Have you ever climbed all the way up the to the mountain top, just to end up falling spectacularly?
Hitting rock bottom hurts extra hard when you fall from higher up.
You pushed yourself all the way to the top, played with the big guys and made it. Then you had no more reason to keep moving forward, because yeah, already at the top of my little mountain, so you started slipping. Slowly but surely, you found yourself back at rock bottom.
How is that even possible?
The thing is that when our ”why” is all screwed up, or not big enough, we get to our goal and then what? Then nothing. We realize that there was nothing there. Like rainbows. All colorful and pretty but when you get to the end, there’s nothing of substance there.
We arrive at our end destination and the lack of strong ”why the hell am I doing this again?” fires up your brain, and it will hijack your mind and walk you straight back to where you started.
Failing big comes down to this. Willpower and fighting hard for something, reaching it with grit and lots of hard work, and then…Epic fail.
Your brain is hardwired to help you survive.
If you put yourself through misery and suffering, even though you accomplished something remarkable, your brain will drag you back down.
It comes down to my favorite quote. (You should replace ”idiots” with ”lower brain” btw.)
”Never argue with idiots. They’ll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience” -Mark Twain
Because when you change your mindset instead, changing your way of ”being” that is, you don’t need a big ”why.” You simply walk in the right direction because that’s ”who you are.”
This is important. There’s a huge difference here. Goal setting can be a fun thing and as a game, keep scoring goals here and there. But if you do the work behind the scenes and realize who you actually can be (who you are beneath all the crap your lower brain says) you’ll see that there’s no need to have goals to motivate you. Motivation is not necessary at all.
Because this is WHO YOU ARE NOW.
You operate from a different state of being. No matter if you’re stressed, sad, happy, angry…zero willpower and even though you’re an imperfect human being, no motivation will be needed. You act, behave, and do, from your new "being."
This took me forever to grasp. I spent my whole adult life setting goals and working hard to achieve them (and too often failed epically). Until I realized that oh…totally unnecessary! I’m doing this the wrong way.
I’m looking at it from the wrong angle.
Because at the end of the day, if I changed my internal software then I’d BE the person who does the things that will get me where I wanna go. *Huge insight here*.
This changed everything.
Life became easy. A huge weight lifted off my shoulders and I could breathe again. Was it always this easy? Did I always have this in me? Was this who I was from the beginning? Apparently, YES.
Clearing the path to my inner "being" made life simple. When no obstacles are in the way then the only question that remains is ”Where do I wanna go next?” and ”Who do I need to become to get there?”. And by become I simply mean seeing who you truly are, within. Becoming your true nature. The little secret is that you are everything. This shocked me the most. I always thought I was a fixed entity. Me, myself and I, always the same. But I couldn’t be more wrong. I saw that becoming who I truly was, was simply a thing of rising to the occasion. Becoming who I needed to become whenever it was needed.
In a past blog post, I talked about ”just in time knowledge” (*link below). What I’m pointing toward here is ”just in time being”. Being who you need to be when it is necessary. People do this all the time already. You become a ”parent” when you have kids. You step up to the occasion and tap into your inner resources to become a parent. You’re ”being” a parent even though you had no clue before how to do it. You rose to the occasion. You do this when you go to school; you become a ”student.” You do this when you start a new job; you become whatever is required of you.
When you operate from this state of being instead, goal setting looks different.
It’s like weight loss. If you’re being an overeater you need willpower, rules, and structure to get you to goal weight. It’s a lot of work and effort behind the journey there. Your ”why” might be to look hot in a bikini, or simply weighing a certain amount of pounds. Once you get there your ”why” doesn’t make sense anymore. You lose your motivation, and you gain all the weight back. Epic fail.
When you change your ”being” instead, you change the way you operate as your default way of being. Overeating will not make sense to you anymore. That’s not who you ARE anymore. You’re being a person who eats differently, acts differently around food and most important of all thinks differently about food.
Then reaching a ”goal weight” is inevitable. It’s exactly where you’re heading.
Then keeping the weight off is easy. This is who you are.
Then, as there never was a need for motivation or goal setting, to begin with, the ”lack” of motivation won’t drag you down to an epic fail again. Nothing will happen. Nothing will threaten your new position or your place on top of the mountain. What will happen though is you might look for other mountains to climb because now you CAN. You can keep exploring and keep living life. You can move past any obstacle, and the world expands. The world opens up. No epic fails anymore in the horizon. Failing won’t make sense anymore. You’re just being yourself.
And your Self can’t ever fail. Because your Self is epic. F*cking epic, if I may say so.