How to have a Bikini Body

overeating zero fucks given

Summer’s coming. Can I challenge you to a 21-day detox? No? Butter in your coffee?  How about some plastic wrap around your stomach, then? (I swear, I didn’t make that one up).

During my twenty years of looking for the holy grail of diets, I tried them all. You name a diet or food plan. I’ve tried it. Did any of them work? Nope. Never. So I did what any sane person would do. I tried them again. Ok, maybe for a short period of time some of them worked, but in the long term? Again, nope. Never. Not a single one of them worked out.

So what gives? Why is this so hard I thought? Well, the single common denominator was me. So my conclusion was always that I was broken. Something must be wrong with me because I can’t follow a stupid food plan. I mean, how hard can it be? It’s not rocket science. Here’s your food plan. Read it. Buy the food on the list. Cook it & shove it in your face. Done. Now wait for your bikini body to appear.

I can report back that 20 years is a pretty long wait.

(Ahhhh, but) how wrong I was. Nothing was ever wrong with me.

Now, you’re probably thinking that I’m gonna write "then it must be the diets fault!". I’m gonna shock you there a little and say, no. Not really. It's not the dieting industry’s fault either. It’s like a huge misunderstanding. It’s all just a - "She said. He said. I thought. No, I assumed. You did…but you said!!!" - mess. Ok, let’s take a deep breath here and let me explain.

What was missing all this time was the simple fact that I was not aware.

I was unaware of the fact that I had a lower brain, a part of the brain that runs a programming that is 2 million years old. Yup, you read that right. It’s old as fuck and your little (a) bikini body is not high on its list of priorities. Sorry about that. In fact, It’s ONLY priority is ”Don’t die. Well, at least not today. I don’t care if you die tomorrow, but for today I’m gonna do whatever it takes to keep you up and running”. That’s the priority. It’s in constant survival mode and, after 2 million years still can’t adapt to the fact that life’s pretty rad and that I’m ok. I’m safe. All’s good. Bikini body wanted over here.

Nope, your lower brain got issues.

There’s nothing wrong with following a food plan. Let me even go a step further and say, if you’re a grown up, then being an adult about what you put in your body, is your duty. Booooring! I know, but hear me out here.

Eating like a spoiled little brat will set you up for all kinds of trouble in the health department. I know, being a grown up sucks.

But being conscious about what you put in your body, is a very good thing. In a lot of ways, following a healthy food plan, can be the right thing to do.

The problem is when we think, and let me repeat that, when we think, that we have no choices.

When we believe that we have to eat in a certain way or else we won’t be able to control ourselves around food. That’s when that 2 million-year-old brain of yours will take control and throw the biggest tantrum.

See where I’m going with this? If we constantly tell ourselves we have to follow strict rules because if we don't, all hell will break lose and we won’t eat in a normal way, that’s when it goes south.

Because what happens is you give away your power. You give away the only thing you actually have, which is your inner badass power. And this is important. Food rules that you have to follow because somebody else said so, keeps perpetuating the idea that you're incompetent. That you are flawed. That you’re broken and that something is wrong with you.

And you’re not broken.

Nothing was ever wrong with you. If you wanna follow a food plan with rules, you can, but only if it’s your choice. Not because you have to or otherwise you’ll fail.

You see the difference, friend?

My point is, there’s nothing wrong with food plans or diets. They all kinda work if you stick to them. Some are healthier than others. Some are ridiculous (in my humble opinion). Some are probably damaging and you should stay away from them.

The thing is, don’t let anybody tell you that you have to follow anything. You can, but you don’t have to. There’s a huge difference between the words have and can. You have a choice. Your dinosaur brain likes choice. Choose wisely and don’t let anybody ever tell you that you have to do anything.

The moment I realized that I could eat anything I wanted, was the first time in my life that I understood the power of a food plan.

MY food plan. MY rules. MY body. MY choice. Zero fucks given.

After all the diet books and health plans you’ve been on, you’re probably an undercover nutritionist by now. So I can assume you know what foods are best for you. And let me invite you to throw in a couple of not-so-healthy foods in there once in awhile. Just to see what happens. Like a kid. Yeah whatever.

Because nobody puts baby in a corner.

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